I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
