gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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