I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
