you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
