I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
