I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
