Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
