So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
