Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
