Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize