Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
