I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
