i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
