I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
