theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
