i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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