false alarm. still invincible.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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