great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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