It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
