He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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