Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
