i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
