I'm jealous of your bromance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
