I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
