I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
