She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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