smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm really busy with my period
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