I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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