You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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