I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He? As in you personified your dick?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
