sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
