last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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