fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what day is it and did you see me today?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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