Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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