i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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