Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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