Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize