currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
