i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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