This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
