im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
