all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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