Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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