grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
