I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
