me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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