New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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