i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
