dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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