She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
