my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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