fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
