you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize