She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
