God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is my gift to your gina
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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