it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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