one two three fourrrrnication!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
COCAINE IS GR8
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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