I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
