So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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