Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
