you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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