I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
