Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
