i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
