the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sober January is a disaster.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
