puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
