and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize