He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
