Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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