Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize