she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
