can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
