Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
