member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize