Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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