There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
