So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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