wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
