how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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