went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
