I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
