wrigley field is MILF paradise
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
