You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize