u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize