no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
