Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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