Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
