I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and she was petting her beer can
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Randomize
