I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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