Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
