awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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