I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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