i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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