The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
