It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
