Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
