I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize