OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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