Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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