dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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