I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
