my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
