I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
